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Does true Christian Community exist? Is it even possible in this day and age? Is it possible in an age when few seem to value honesty or love or correction or sincerity? We love farce and entertainment and show, but we run from instruction,correction or discipline.
Is true Christian Community possible in an age when mothers refuse to tell their daughters, "No!" and fathers are more afraid of thier wive's disdain than their son's destruction and thus also refuse to say the wonderful word, "No" to thier off-spring?
Does anyone one love enough to give corection? Does anyone love enough to receive it? Without honest love we make Hell a closer reality for one another than Christian Community.
We ignore "Faithful are the wounds of a friend" and we surround ourselves with others who enable us in our disfunction, we embrace those who smile to our face and lie behind our backs., We fire pastors we disagree with, with no regard for their welfare or the future of their families. Years of service is forgotten or ignored while we gather to ourselves lying teachers so please our itching ears.
Is Christian Community even a possibility anymore? I sometimes wonder; God wants it, His Son died for it and the Holy Spirit desires to epose it, but He isn't going to force it upon us and I don't see many who desire it.
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What Am I Doing?
I went to be at midnight, it's now 5:30 am and I am sitting in Starbucks on my day-off, what am I doing? Well, I am doing the only part of life that feels like ministry to me anymore; I am mentoring. I do this at least three days a week and I sure do hope it's making a difference in the lives of the men I meet. I know it makes a difference in mine. For nearly ten years I got up at 6am and wrote a daily devotion; thousands of essays written upon the Word of God. I don't know how they benefitted no one else, but they certainly built m faith and the absence of this discipline has weakened my faith (faith comes by hearing and hearing by the Word of God). Life has been crowding out all but what is the most vital to my own existence as of late.
This is a strange time in which we live; an age of shattered relationships, non-commitment and individual asphyxiation; isolating ourselves to the point of suffocating the life out of our very beings. We live much of our lives based upon felt-needs, perceived “needs”; where we work, where we worship, how we live; many of us live to be entertained – What any I going to do today to have fun” we ask, rather than what ought we do today to prepare for tomorrow. We have become an id driven society of relaxation and rest rather than one of hard work and commerce. This explains the flippant way we discard relationships both inside and outside of the church. Our relationships as well as our worship experiences, as well as the rest of our lives are based upon “what will please me today?” rather than what do I need or what commitment have I made?
What we miss, in chasing our perceived needs, we neglect our real needs. In chasing after what we desire to do, we neglect the productive, life-giving things that we need to do. We recognize our innate need for community and relationship, but such endeavors require hard work and commitment and most of us with our pleasure mentality find it easier to continually shop around for the greener grass of every aspect of life rather than relax in the meadow where God has placed us. Jesus said, “HE WHO TRIES TO FIND HIS LIFE WILL LOSE IT, WHILE THOSE WHO ARE WILLING TO LOSE THEIR LIVES FOR MY SAKE WILL FIND IT.” The work of our salvation was finished on Calvary; the cost for our salvation was paid in Gethsemane, for it was there that Jesus made the hard commitment to do His Father’s will.
Ill you commit to doing the hard work of community and relationship or will you continue to look for the greener pastures which do not exist?
What If . . . . . .
What would happen if....this Sunday people went to church because they really desired to be there and not out of obligation? What if the Preacher confessed his sins to the congregation and encouraged them to do the same? What if the people in the congregation who are angry with each other and not speaking would go to each other and repent and ask forgiveness of one another (regardless of who started the argument or hard feelings)? What would happen if every person who ever left another church in anger returned and apologized to their former congregation and fellow congregants? What if every church leader refused to manipulate, control or coerce another single person? What if every board, committee and pastor would voluntarily surrender "their authority" and sought the priesthood of every believer? What if we dismissed our “service as usual" attitudes and dismissed the praise bands, put away the hymnals, turned-off the projectors, and threw away our sermons? What would happen if we removed all the chairs or pews and bowed together, waiting for the move of God? What would happen if we left our church buildings altogether and went out into our community to do community service of some kind? What do you suppose would happen if we refused to pass the collection plate and instructed people to give only as they could cheerfully give? What if believers everywhere would join together in Jesus' Name and do NOTHING but wait?
Would we call such an event church?
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Wednesday Nights
7:00pm
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The Treasure of Friendship
Faithful are the wounds of a friend; profuse are the kisses of an enemy. Proverbs 27:6
Friends are like bananas, when they come in bunches, they quickly go bad. Like “love”; friend is a word that is overused. True friends don’t come in bunches, in fact if you find one or two sincere friends in this life you are entirely blessed.
As a young man I wore my heart on my sleeve and “fell in love” with nearly every girl I ever had any kind of a relationship with. I was usually certain by the second date that we would eventually be married. This behavior started long before I was in school and continued until I found my true love in my wife.
As a man, I have made the same fatal error with acquaintances. I always assume that each acquaintance is going to be my sincere friend for life; that our friendship is unconditional and a sacred trust. I have spent most of my adult life being repeatedly hurt by people whom I have cared about more than they care about me.
An honest friend speaks the truth in love to you; an honest friend doesn’t tell you how wonderful you are, when you’re not, but an honest friend is equally committed to being a part of your life for the remainder of their lives. A sincere friend, like a sincere love, cares for you even when they don’t care for how you are being. What a rare gift it is to find people who will allow you to invest in their lives and in return are willing to invest in yours.
We would all do well to remember the words of Jesus, “ Woe to you when all men speak well of you, for their fathers used to treat the false prophets in the same way.” Luke 6:26
Empty kisses leave behind broken hearts. When I think of my friends, my sincere friends; the ones who go back years and years, I don’t think of their kind words or their flattery or their praise; what I know, even when we don’t see one another for months or years is that when we do, we pick-up right where we left off. In as much as NOTHING can separate us from the Love of God, there is Nothing that destroys a real friendship.
Just as the desire for love may leave you with a broken heart, the desire for sincere friendship will do the same, but in both cases, the treasure you find is worth all the pain endured in seeking.
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I have spent the past few months reading the book JOHN ADAMS by David McCullough. It is an interesting history as much personal as public in to the life of a truly great patriot without whom we would have never become a nation.
The unexpected treasure of this volume is the unavoidable contrast between Mr. Adams and Thomas Jefferson. In my estimation, both men have their place in history; Adams as the ultimate Patriot son and Jefferson as the equal politician.
Men signed the Declaration of Independence, both men desired to create a free nation, throughout public life Jefferson often undermined the friendship and the cause of liberty by selfish ambition and Mr. Adams on occasion publicly called Mr. Jefferson to task for the inconsistencies between his stated beliefs and the life he personally led, but in later years both men expressed great admiration and forgiveness toward one another, both men lived long lives, died on the same day, within hours of one another; July 4th, on the Nations 50th Birthday.
Throughout his life Jefferson lived a life of contradictions; he authored the greatest decree of self-government ever put to paper and yet would have been happier had our little republic been more like France, where indeed he spent much of the early years of the Revolution as Ambassador for this nation, often doing little more than soaking-up the culture and bedding whom he might.
While Jefferson wrote “early to bed and early to rise, makes a man healthy, wealthy and wise’, he habit was to party late into the night and sleep in late into the day.
The man wrote so eloquently and rightly wrote of “all men, being created equal”, until his dying day was dependant upon slaves to keep and build his ever-expanding Monticello. During his lifetime, Jefferson freed only six of his slaves, ironically none of them included his concubine or the illegitimate children that her fathered by her.
After his death the remaining slaves were auctioned-off on his front lawn. In spite of coming from means, while Jefferson wrote, “Never a borrower or lender be” he remained heavily in debt his entire life and died over $100.000 in debt, more than everything he owned, including his homes and land were worth.
Soon all that he had, including furnishings, personal effects and his beloved Monticello, which had fallen into disrepair were all sold far below their value in a feeble attempt to erase his debt.
Jefferson at times expressed great faith in the God of Heaven, at other times and as demonstrated by his life considered himself something other than a Christian; what the man truly believed is impossible to say. At the end of his life he expressed regret and wished he could live life over; Jefferson died a broken man and wrote his own epitaph, which he had put into stone and placed upon his grave, it reads;
Here Was Buried
THOMAS JEFFERSON
Author of the Declaration of American Independence,
Of the Statute of Virginia for Religious Freedom,
And Father of the University of Virginia
Throughout his life Adams lived a life of Christian devotion and public service; he singed the greatest decree of self-government ever put to paper and fought for self-government of the people, by the people and for the people, although such sentiment wouldn’t be put into those eloquent words until generations later by another truly great President. Adams served his country as Ambassador, but was not a stranger to loss or toil. He and his family sacrificed much for the ideals alive in his heart. When others including Jefferson might have quit the experiment of a free nation, it was the zeal and determination of John Adams that would not be compromised. The man worked tirelessly, spent years apart from his family and home in order to secure the future of a struggling colt of a nation.
The man not only believed as Jefferson did that slavery was wrong, he often fought Jefferson over the subject of slavery and indeed refused to keep slaves, believing with all his heart; “that all men are created equal.” Until his dying day Adams fought “the evil of slavery” at every turn.
Adams was not only a professed Christian man; he was a moral man whose life ever reflected his devotion to his God, family and nation.
Never a rich man, always worried about making ends meet, John Adams did not accumulate many material good during his lifetime, however when he died, his net worth was approximately $100,000. He left a hardy estate to his heirs.
He was buried modestly and his family refused a funeral held at public expense at the State House for they wanted no part of what could appear a “forcing” of public tributes; they instead heeded the expressed wishes of their father.
Adams always expressed great faith in the God of Heaven, in spite many, many personal tragedies. By the end of his life he had attained an ability to see God and His blessings in every situation. Once when a huge winter storm fell trees and buried New England in ice and snow, he looked across his battered homeland and rejoiced at the beauty of the crystals which he thought shone brighter than diamonds. He lauded the beauty of the white carpet which covers all the ugliness beneath. When questioned by Jefferson whether he would like to begin life again, Adams replied that he was quit content to leave this old world and ready to see the next.
Adams had an epithet written for his great-great grandfather; the first Mr. Adams who set foot upon American soil, but did not prepare anything to boast of his own attainments.
I sum-up the lesson of the life of John Adams with the eternal truth it is better to give than to receive. “Men who aspire to greatness must write their own epithets, posterity remembers sincere men who are truly great.” Gary Holman
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“THE CHURCH” is Not “ONE LARGE MOUTH” that God speaks through. The “CHURCH” has not only “ONE LARGE EAR” that hears what He is saying. The “CHURCH” is not “THE ONLY EYE” that sees Him moving or “THE ONE HEART” that feels His presence. The true living “CHURCH” of the living God is not “ONE HAND” that reaches out or “ONE BIG FOOT” that moves her forward.
True worship is NOT a spectator event; where ONE MAN performs, while all others listen. NO! The “CHURCH” is all of God’s People; His royal Priesthood speaking the truths shown to them by God; listening for His voice, seeing where and how He moves; multiple hearts intoned to God, feeling His presence, reaching out together in compassion; staying in step with The Holy Spirit.
The platform in the church should be the platform of God’s ideals which lifts Him up rather than a physical one that raises one believer above the rest. Isn’t Pastor be a gift rather than a position? The Word of God does NOT say “AND HE GAVE THESE POSITIONS . . .”
Finally “THE CHURCH” is NOT a building. God has never asked for temple made with human hands; He says that you and I are to be His dwelling place. Wherever we gather together in one place, that is “THE CHURCH”, that’s where HE lives.
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Gary Says,
Favourite Quotations:
Preach the Gospel; use words if you must!
About me:
"I love God, but I hate religion and I'm tired of Church as it has been taught and practiced. I love discovering God in the world around me. I love finding His truth in music, art and creation. I don't believe in tags of "secular" or "Christian" such as in art, movies or music. I am not interested in making God over in my own image. I find most sinners to be honest and most "christians" to be pretentious; just the same I really do love people, rich and poor , educated or not and I believe friendship to be a sacred gift that should be preserved, protected and honored at all cost. Pure faith is loving God and others just as they are. "
Has been in Ministry over 35 years; founded New Hope Community Fellowship almost 12 years ago.
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Family and Friends,
Just over two years ago our church family was over $20,000.00 in debt with dropping attendance and under a general cloud of discouragement.
God spoke to my heart to challenge us as a church to become debt-free so that we could become more effective in reaching the hurting and the lost. The mission seemed so impossible that we lost a couple more families. As the church shrank, I felt the need to do away with the inter-structure of the” church"; we simply didn't need an administrative team if there really wasn't anything to administrate.
As God always does, we took the first step and He has accomplished what would have otherwise been impossible without Him. Little did I realize that God would restructure our whole ministry and call me into bi-vocational ministry, but He did. He also called us to move and in short order called us to move a second time; first to lower rent and then by the generosity and the loving support of a pastor friend of mine (an extended period of "NO RENT"). This all started once we committed to writing the church tithe check each Sunday befroe we ever left the building, this, as much as Jim and I giving back our salaries has allowed all offerings to the ministry to be divided between touching lives of those who are hurting and needy and debt reduction.
OUR CHURCH IS NO DEBT- FREE!!!!!!!!!!
What does the future hold? Now that the debt is paid, will Jim and I "go back on salary?" Will we rent a bigger building or buy a place? I know we won't return to salary and God will need to pick us up and move us again, but as of now, where we are is our promised land; I want to pour every dime and every spare moment into broken lives; we want to build people, not a ministry. We want to lift-up the Name of Jesus so that those who have yet to come to Him will have the opportunity. Other ministries have supported us TO ENABLE US to be the hands and the feet to reach the hurting where they are.
God's Word says, "Give, and it shall be given to you; good measure, pressed down, and shaken together, and running over, SHALL MEN GIVE INTO YOUR BOSOM. For with the same measure that you mete with it shall be measured to you again."
When God’s people all come into unity caring more about the building people than building their “Own Ministries”, God is gloried and the lost are reached and the hurting (within and outside of the church” are healed. Jesus said, ‘IF I BE LIFTED-UP, I WILL DRAW ALL MEN UNTO ME”.
Join me in thanking God for our brothers and sisters in Christ who have allowed God to work through them to accomplish this first step toward our greater vision. Amen
Gary
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Pastor Rick Warren says today,
"NEVER follow a pastor who belittles other’s success,doubts other's motives,or criticizes other's efforts 4 Christ. (Rom.14:4) Who are you who judge another's servant?"
Allow me to say Amen! and say it, a different way, "If your preacher puts other churches down, critisizes other ministries, speculates why others do what they do for Christ or are critical of what other pastors, churches or christians are doing for Jesus; RUN! GET OUT OF THAT CHURCH! GET AWAY!"
I served nearly 20 years under such a a pastor; I was abused spiritually, emotionally and financially. Until God opened my eyes, I didn't see all of the spiritual abuse that was the security blanket wrapped around and interwoven throughout that church. Deception breeds deception; a little "Right" can help us overlook so much that is "Wrong".
Here are TEN SIGNS of Spiritual Abuse that we should see, The Leader;
1. “Hears” God for you. God apparently “goes through” him/her to speak to you. (This requires a sense of superiority – from him or her and is often framed as being “more mature,” and a sense of being “less” from you.)
2. Alienates (shuns, ignores) you if you do not adhere to his/her guidance, leadership, or authority. (This is usually VERY subtle – so it is easy to deny.)
3. Suggests that rejection of his/her “higher understanding” is done so at your spiritual or even physical peril. (You will hear things like, “Be careful. You will move yourself from the covering and protection of God.”)
4. Rewards your obedience with inclusion, and punishes your questioning or resistance with withdrawal. (Compliance gets stroked, resistance gets struck!)
5. Demands “cathartic” honesty. Unless you spew out every detail of your life you must be hiding or withholding something (and that “something” will, of course, impede your spiritual development).
6. Lavishes you with praise, acceptance, and understanding when you are “good” and “pushes” you away when you are “bad.”
7. Is apparently fixated on the use of titles like reverend, pastor, elder and cannot appear to relax in the company of “ordinary” mortals. The issue is not in the use of legitimate titles (or robes or religious garb) – it is that identity seems impossible without the titles or the trappings.
8. Leaves a trail of cut-off relationships. Usually in the trail are those who refuse to bow, to submit, to stand in awe of, to be thoroughly entranced by, the will of the pastor, the leader or the friend. Always regard with suspicion or caution leaders who are cut off or alienated from members of their family, especially their parents.
9. Lives from a “for me/or against me,” “black/white,” “all/or nothing” platform of “relationships.”
10. Genuinely sees God’s Call so zealously, so fervently that any signs of resistance are seen as the expressions of The Enemy or an enemy – thus, relationships are expedient (disposable) in the light of getting on with God’s work.
Such leaders are broken, as we all are, but lead (many sincerely) out of their insecurity - The Abused often become Abusers. The greatest gift of God is His mighty love and His unconditional love should be evident in the life of those who lead for Him. Amen!
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What if, every church took all the money they pour into "Christmas Productions", cancelled all their special services, pageants and plays and gathered together instead in order to serve the individuals of their communities? What if they took their advertising dollars and bought clothes for the homeless or even better; offered them a warm place to sleep?, What if they took their prop money and gave to the poor, saved their printing expenses to buy diapers for the babies of single mothers? What if every church funneled all that they invest in presentations and did their level best to fill every known need in their communities and partnered together with other churches to help meet yet other needs ?
What if ?
What if, every Christian Believer decided to buy only one special gift for each person in their family (including the children)? What if they only bought or better yet, made that one thing that their child or loved one would always remember? What if, like God we only gave our very best? What if the joy of Christmas was measured, not by the amount presents under the tree, but by the thoughtfulness and love behind each gift? What if each gift was so special that only one gift need be given?
What if?
What if, we took the time that would otherwise be spent on shopping for for our loved ones and invested it instead in being with our loved ones? What lasting memories could be created in place of the forgotten moments of excess that fill Christmas morning? What if, rather than spending hours and hours in rehearsal at church for music and plays, we chose instead to share life with one another? What if we invited our neighbors and community members into our homes for dinner? Would there be a greater return?
What if?
What if, the focus of Christmas day itself was centered in believers coming together to worship, families coming together to visit, communities coming together to remember the goodness of God through the single gift of love for us through His only Son? What if we served the afternoon serving food to the hungry?
What if?
What if, at every Christmas table, each Christian family shared their meal with someone who would otherwise eat alone on that day?
What if?
I think the world might stop and notice; I think that they might find the answer to the gnawing hunger that haunts them, a hunger that will never be filled by more things or good times. The world has heard our sermons, they’ve seen our plays, but few have every had the opportunity to see that our lives are any different than theirs. What if we reconsidered how we celebrate Christ? I think those who are yet to know Him and we who do, might better understand the love of God.
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Millions Weren't Enough: The Story of Ted DiBiase
For those of you who watched professional wrestling in the late 1980s and early 1990s, the name Ted DiBiase brings back images of the evil "Million Dollar Man," one of the original and great wrestling villains. But for the last 15 years, DiBiase has been sharing the amazing story of how Jesus saved his life. He isn't your typical spiritual jock, either. DiBiase is an ordained preacher with powerful, godly words for the church—men in particular. If you've never heard his testimony, don't miss this.
New Man: Could you share the amazing story of how God saved you and your marriage?
DiBiase: I was raised by my mom and my stepfather, Mike DiBiase. He was a huge influence in my life. He was a professional wrestler and one of the greatest athletes to come out of the University of Nebraska. As a young man, I very much looked up to him, idolized him and wanted to be just like him. I wasn't treated like a stepchild in our family, I was treated the same as my half-brother, just like a full son. That's one of the things I use when I preach today. When you were around me as a kid, it didn't take long to figure out who my hero was because my biggest desire was to please him. The love and the desire I had for my dad is the same that I should have with Christ now. I have to want to be just like him. It's got to be: "What can I do to please you today, Lord?"
Everything was going according to plan, and then [when I was ] 15 my dad died from a heart attack in the ring. My whole life flipped upside down. I had to move to a small town. I had to watch my mother dive into full-blown alcoholism and sink into self-pity. But I gained strength from the lessons my dad taught me, and I stayed out of trouble, worked hard, and became the first person from my little school to graduate and get a football scholarship.
But then, in college, pride crept into my life, and I started doing things I wouldn't have done previously—having a beer with the boys, and then parties on the weekends—and that's a slippery slope. I quit going to church altogether. There was no longer a male role model in my life to convict me, and I drifted away from God. I didn't graduate from college, I didn't make it to the NFL, and my first marriage ended in divorce after six years. My oldest son is from that marriage.
But I did start wrestling, and eventually I met Melanie, my wife of 28 years, in Atlanta. Mel's a Christian girl. We didn't get started off right. She left school and moved in with me, but she got convicted and we started going to a nondenominational church in Baton Rouge, Louisiana. That's the first time I really heard about a relationship with Christ. The way I share it is I had intellectually believed in the gospel message all my life, but never in my heart. At that church, I asked Jesus into my heart and believed in Him, but I never really let Him become my Lord. I was still holding on to my career. I said, "You can have everything but this." And I feel like God let me have that success to prove to me how empty everything is without Him.
I got the biggest break of my career in 1987 and when I signed on with the WWF to become the Million Dollar Man. In that role, I climbed to measures of success few guys ever reach. One of the aspects of that character was they wanted everyone to believe I was rich in real life, so I got the royal treatment. I traveled the world first class, staying in the nicest hotel rooms. I was in video games; I had an action figure; I went on The Tonight Show. But with all that success, there was still something missing. Proverbs 26:11 says that "as a dog returns to its vomit, so a fool repeats his folly." That's what happened to me, because my conversion experience in Baton Rouge wasn't real.
I started partying again, drinking and doing drugs. I was never addicted to those things, but if there was an addiction in my life, it was the women, and that was my downfall. In March 1992, at the height of my professional success, I was out partying after WrestleMania VIII in my limo—the picture of worldly success. That was the day my wife confronted me with the fact that she knew I was committing adultery. She told me not to come home, that I didn't live there anymore.
The next guy I talked to is an amazing lesson in how to be a real friend. His name is Hal Santos, and he is a pastor. I first met him when he was a youth minister. We had a conversation about my faith and my battles, and he made a point to stay in touch with me. He was much more of a friend to me than I was to him. I'd ignore him for huge amounts of time, but he was always there. He said, "Any time you need to talk, give me a call."
I found out later that he always knew I was going to hit the wall, and he prayed to God that he would be able to be there for me when I did. I had a pastor and lots of friends, but when I had to make my next phone call, there was one guy who I had a real relationship with—one guy who I could tell anything to, and that was Hal.
He arranged for [Melanie and me] to meet in St. Louis and picked me up at the airport. On the way there, I asked him what I should say, and he told me that Jesus said, "The truth will set you free." He didn't say it would be painless. He said, "Even if your wife leaves you, you can trust God and He will give you a peace that passes all understanding."
Right there in the car I begged God for forgiveness. I had this success, but I was miserable, and I didn't want to be back in this place. I didn't like the guy I saw in the mirror, and I had thrown away all my values. The difference this time was that I told Him: "I don't know where we're going, but I know I'll follow You. If that means that I lose my family or my career, it doesn't matter. I'll follow You."
I walked in the door and faced my wife, and it was the hardest thing I've ever done. I answered all of her questions honestly, and she looked at me and said, "Who are you?" A little later, I went with Hal and his youth group and my wife to this youth rally. During the sermon, in a moment of truth, I broke down. I cried my eyes out in front of all these kids who thought I was a big star, but I didn't care. I knew I had failed as a man. Afterward my wife came to me and said: "I don't have the strength to forgive you. But God is a God of restoration and not divorce. Because I want to be obedient to Him and for no other reason, I'm going to give you a chance you don't deserve."
Then she challenged me, saying that she knew I wanted to be a man of God, but she didn't know if I had it in me. I made a vow to my wife that day, and it's the one I have kept. I said: "If you give me this chance, I'll become the man you thought you married. I'll become a man of character and integrity, and a spiritual leader in our home. I'll regain your respect." That was March of 1992.
The next two years were hell on earth for both of us. Talk about going through the fire. Two years of a man seeking to regain respect and trust. Two years of a woman trying to get rid of horrible images. Here's what I tell guys: Jesus said you would recognize the tree by its fruit. I had walked down aisles and cried before, but my wife had to see me change my priorities and my actions for the trust to come back. It took a long time, but I remember the moment when I realized we had finally come through the fire.
We had been scuba diving, and we were sitting in this little boat, and you could see every star in the sky. I can't remember what she said, but it was the way she looked at me and the tone of her voice. I felt God say in my heart, "She's let it go." And this New Year's Eve it will have been 28 years for us. God hasn't just restored our relationship, He has given me my best friend and my soul mate.
New Man: You speak to a lot of men's groups. What do you tell the guys you meet with?
DiBiase: Men aren't told to live significant lives anymore. God has given us each different talents, and He expects us to use them. The difference is, He gets the glory, not us. We need more real men in the church, guys who won't bend or cave to the world's influence. Dr. Ed Cole was a big influence in my life, and he said that strong men build strong churches, strong churches build strong communities, and strong communities build strong nations. We can shake our fists at Washington all day long, but it starts in the church. If you're going to point a finger, point it at yourself.
New Man: How do you keep a strong family while traveling so much?
DiBiase: The basic thing is you stay in touch. Between phones and e-mail and texts, very rarely does a day go by where I don't talk with each member of my family. But it's not about the amount of time you spend, it's about the quality of time. When my boys were young, I tried to make it to every sporting event, and if I wasn't there, I would always call. It's all about your attitude. Your kids know your heart.
The other thing is, you can't neglect your relationship with your wife. You can't just let the kids take all of your attention when you are home. You have to schedule time for dates and just time to be with each other. It's easy to focus on the kids because they are important, and you both have that in common.
The thing is, kids grow up. Some couples look at each other after the kids have left and think, "Who is this person?" So keeping that relationship tight is important. When you're traveling, that means doing things like sending unexpected cards or flowers. I always make coffee for my wife in bed when I'm home. It lets her know that I value her.
Editor's note: For more information on Ted DiBiase or to arrange a personal appearance please contact: Willowcreek Marketing, 12-111 Fourth Ave #373, St. Catharines, ON L2S3P5; phone: 905-984-3168; fax: 905-346-0219; e-mail: william@milliondollarman.com. Ted DiBiase image: © 2009 World Wrestling Entertainment Inc. All rights reserved.
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A Letter Concerning Who We Are
Dear Brother xxx,
Where is the Passion?
I don’t know if you will remember me. I was from the class of 2001 and was in the missions minor. I was pretty quiet, but I did join your breakfast club many times. Anyways, I am not apart of Elim Fellowship, but I need to recheck with my home roots that has imparted so much to me to make sure I am on the right track and not straying where I should not be. You have had such an impact on my life thought I might write to you praying God would give you insight to give me advise. I don’t have a specific question other than am I going the right way? Am I hearing the right things from God? Let me just throw out a quick history of post Elim Years. SORRY THIS IS LONG BUT IT HAS BEEN EIGHT YEARS. PLEASE BEAR WITH ME.
I left xxxx with the intention of one day going to the Mission Field. I wanted to lay down my life for something with meaning. I don’t know if I have missed God or not, but I have never felt lead in that direction since. The desire has been their, but it seems life has not taken me that way. I worked for my church as an intern during summer after xxxx. Then I found a job and was married several months later to someone I met as working as intern the previous year. My next goal since my church did not need me anymore was to continue my schooling, but with trying to make ends meet it seem to never come to reality. Eventually I met up with another Pastor in my area that was looking for a children.’s Pastor. At this point in my life I really thought that Being a Children’s pastor is probably what I would do. I was gifted at and began applying for jobs around the country, but it was near my hometown that I found an opportunity that might work. They were looking for someone part-time and actually that turned out to be a part-time volunteer. Not exactly what I was hoping for, I thought I would work full time in the ministry. After interviewing and meeting the pastor and his wife I knew this was where God wanted me. I might not have fully understood, actually I don’t think I had any idea what God was up to, but I knew this was where I should serve for the time being. The vision of the pastor was so matched up with mine I knew it was a perfect fit.
Seven Years later I am still working with this Pastor. I actually feel that my life and my marriage has been impacted more by working with my pastor than I have given these past seven years. He has imparted so much to my life. I meet with my pastor once a week at star bucks for mentoring before work. Sometimes we just talk about life, some times politics, some times what we are struggling with. We just share life and I actually treasure these times than any church service I would attend. He would always ask if he was being too hard on me with his counsel, but no matter how hard his advise was to follow through with it came with such love and concern that I never received it wrong. I may not have liked it, but never was upset with him. ?@
Ok so where are we now. We did church as usual for many years. I tried to build the childrens ministry and had my hat in many other rings. We have never grown in numbers, but we have seen many people grow to a point and then leave and watch their lives fall apart like plane crashes. We seen position hungry people come and leave. I feel like I have seen so much in the past seven years. I work for an independent church but have been ordained through it’s affiliated ordaining body many years ago. For a time I received a monthly stipend of as a token salary. Now both my pastor and I both work bi vocationally and have chosen to take no salary from the church. We are in a building rent free right now and don’t really have any expenses as a church. My pastor originally went back to work part-time because even though he constantly was meeting with the people of the church he felt like he was out of touch with people outside the church and wanted to be more of an influence evangelistically. Eventually he chose to work full time and gave up his salary from the church. He was making more from the church than his job but felt that is what God wanted. He works for a funeral home and he has been able to touch many lives. We have seen families come as a result.
After six years of feeling like we were beating our heads against the wall and working hard we almost gave up entirely, but God opened up a door for our church to meet for free and changed many things. We are small enough that we meet in a circle and instead of preaching we have more of an open discussion as we study the bible. What we have seen differently as a result is that people who never opened up have opened up. People who were hiding sins came forward and opened up to the group and receive love and accountability. It was always my job to do the announcements and open our services because my pastor said that I was good at it and good with connecting with the people. Sometimes I hated it because when I was having a bad week I had to get up to the pulpit, put on a smile and welcome the people acting as if I am living the victorious life in Christ. I was intentially trying to put a mask on , but standing on a platform puts the expectation of a performance. I don’t think it would work well by welcoming the people in they way I felt.
That is gone now. Now that we meet in an informal way I can share my heart and there is no pretending. We don’t have to try to put on good programs to keep attendance high in order to pay salaries and a buiding. We use to worry so much about that in the past and the pressure to keep afloat as a church probably effected what we did as church more than is should. Now we don’t have too because right now all we are doing is paying down some dept that may be paid of in the next week. So now we can save our use all our tithes as benevolence.
We have also tried to break down this wall between laity and the pastors. The problem we have seen is there seems to be this missing emphasis of the priesthood of all believers. The pastor is suppose to do everything. He is the one to get every one saved. We have seen people take so much pride in having some sore of tile in the church that it really prevented them from growing. Now we don’t have positions or titles. I really can’t think of any thing any one has to gain for being apart of our church. Politics have disappeared which was so draining in the past.
Now I am excited to go to church. I sometimes dreaded it because we would put so much energy into some production and wonder if we were impacting. We tried to tell our people that they would get more ministry from midweek service with interaction and community than they would on a Sunday morning service, but on the same note we would invest most of our time and money for people to come and sit looking at the back of someone’s head and let us read the ingredients that are in the bible that can change their life through preaching and teaching. But that is all we did.
We did see lives changed but it is different now. Now it instead of listing of the ingredients in the bible we are eating it together as a body. There is not one teacher but as we ineract as a group we have seen God speak through many people who would never get up preach a sermon, but through sharing what God was teaching them, we have felt in crease in a sence that we are growing together.
We have had several people find us and join us because of the change we made and people have been more faithfull. We all look forward to going to church. For me it is no longer draining but I leave refreshed.
After seven years, it just seems there is just so much wrong emphasis in the church today. We have seen so many people hurt by family and friends that are so spiritually minded they are no earthly good. Faithful to church but not their own family. Our church growth has been little and difficult. Some people, because we are small and transparent could only come so far because once they made their issues public they either had to deal with them or run, and many run.
After going through so many changes over the past seven years I feel the church in many ways is focused on the wrong thing and could be more effective. We spend so much money on real estate for every one to sit staring at the back of someone’s head and I wonder how much impact it has. We have some the greatest teachers in the united states that you would think we would be better off as a country, but I wonder if we are more infatuated with rhetoric than anything else. How much does preaching changed lives. To me living in community is preaching in action. It is hard because it is so easy to become offened by someone else or even just annoyed, but to chose to live past that and press on together is a real act of love.
Where am I now. Well I work fulltime as a computer programer which I love, and I don’t ever see my self working fulltime in the church. I love what we do now, and would like to see it grow, but I don’t see how working full time for me in ministry would help inless I was on the mission field. Then if I did go to the mission field I see myself working bi vocationally as a computer programer to get me into a country and missionary under cover. Who knows.
The one thing that has been hard for me is I am such a task oriented person that with this new focus I have no tasks. I use to work my self to death spiritually. I missed a whole semester at Elim because I got so sick and depressed because I felt so spiritually inferior than every one and worked so hard to not be. I would pray at Elim for three hours a day trying to be spiritual and all it did was give me anxiety attacks. I felt inferior because I never spoke in tongues but I senced the spirit strong on my life and God gifted me to be a teacher. God touched me significally at NYSUM from someone praying for me to not be so serious and got so drunk in the spirit that I was on the ground laughing so hard rolling on the floor feeling like a dam that held back the joy of serving break free. While I was off a semester being sick is when out of nesecity I began to speak in tonges because I needed some way to speak to God that I could not express in words.
Now though since I no longer have any pet projects it is easy for me to get so much joy in my work that I wonder if my passion for God is waining. Just because I may not be as busy as it were for God I don’t want to lose my passion for him. Before I was so busy and found spiritual validation by being busy doing, now I am just being and am out of my element but feel more real and more progress at the same time.
I just need any insight or advice God would give you over my life. Elim has had such an impact I want to make sure that that impact last my whole life.
Jim
"Fear not, little flock, for it's the Father's good pleasure to give you the Kingdom."
Much of what you wrote resonated with me. I as well feel the Church is misguided. We have so painstakingly built this extremely large religious system that now it has a life of it's own. If Jesus never showed up, most would not know.
So what do we do? What you are doing now. Meet with those who come...the names will change but your Challenge will remain the same.
Replicate the Kingdom.
Demonstrate True Agape.
Have the authority Jesus possessed...authority to lay your life down.
Death is working in you that Life can work in someone else.
Pray every day...
"Lord, you have blessed me.
Now, make me a blessing."
Then pray...
"Let the words of my mouth
and the meditations of my heart
be acceptable in your sight
O Lord
my Strength
and
my Redeemer."
It sounds like you are still spiritually hungry and thirsty. Excellent.
Prepare for Shaking.
Christ The Judge is shaking every thing which can be shaken so that which cannot be shaken may remain.
He has returned to The Temple to overturn again the tables of the money changers.
It began on September 11 in New York City.
It was God The Terrorist who ordained it, not radicals from Saudi Arabia.
The Spirit wars against the flesh and the flesh against the flesh...
Warfare has begun...in the Church, against the Church.
Simply because of the extreme carnality found therein.
No need for fear, or for paranoia.
The Key right now is
Yielding.
The sooner The Church gets back to yielding to the Spirit of God, the sooner we will see Him using us once again as in days of old.
The result will be rising on wings of eagles, far above all principality and power...seeing everything from The Divine Perspective.
Just some thoughts.
XXXX
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Why Sex Is So Important to Your Wife
Dennis Rainey
Let me make something clear up front. You might be tempted to think that there would never be a time when you, as a man, would turn down the sexual advances of your wife. Or, if for some reason you did, your rejection would be as rare as the appearance of an albino zebra. I understand that feeling. If such is the case with you, feel free to move on to the next article. On the other hand, you might want to read on to better understand what is becoming a growing phenomenon among men.
Take, for example, Svetin Gulisija, a 26-year-old man living in Croatia. Not long ago, he came home from a hard day on the job. For reasons I’ll never fully understand, Svetin decided the last thing he wanted was sex with his wife, Oleandra. As the story goes, she was in the mood to spark a little romance. He, however, was too tired and wanted to be left alone.
His solution?
White hot with anger, Svetin stormed out of his house and started a fire in the woods behind his home. Pause with me to consider the irony of this true story. Here’s a guy who was too tired to be physically intimate with his wife, and yet he had enough energy to launch a fireball in the backyard! It boggles the mind.
As you might imagine, the flames quickly blazed out of control. Local firefighters had to race to the couple’s home and evacuate them. When police asked Svetin what inflamed him to do such a thing, he explained that he was fighting fire with fire. He did it so he wouldn’t have to have sex with his wife.
Talk about a burned-out lover.
Frustrated wives
Granted, most men don’t go to such drastic measures to avoid intimacy in marriage. And while Svetin’s method of communicating a lack of interest in sex is an extreme case, male passivity toward physical intimacy is a very real problem in 20 to 30 percent or more of the couples we hear from. I’ll give you three examples. Casey writes,
It seems like every article I read talks about a man’s high sex drive and how women are typically tired and not interested in sex. The opposite is true of my husband and me. I try to get him aroused and interested in sex, but he is never really in the mood nor is he affectionate to me.
He expects me to let him know when I want to be intimate, and I need to do the seducing. This is really hurting our marriage, and I am resentful of his lack of interest. I try to be as attractive and sexy as I can, but nothing seems to work. Do you have any advice?
Likewise, Laura, the mother of three children, feels abandoned by a husband who leaves the loving to her. She writes,
I fear that my husband and I have reversed roles in our marriage. I am always the one who initiates intimacy and sex. He is the one who doesn’t have the time or energy to be with me. He doesn’t ask me out or make special plans for us to be together. His list of “reasons” is endless. This leaves me feeling unloved, undesirable, and rejected. I don’t think that my husband looks at our physical intimacy as a gift from God that should be celebrated.
The following letter reveals how devastating such rejection can be for a woman. After attending a marriage conference, Amy included this note in her evaluation:
My husband and I have been married for 8 months. I am 38 and he is 44—both first time marriages. However, intimacy in our relationship is almost non-existent. He seems pretty much disinterested and 99 percent of the time rejects me when I try to initiate lovemaking. I have tried to talk to him about it but he says there is no problem. I, on occasion, will arrange a “special evening” to get him in the mood and then it seems to be okay. But this is few and far between. The rejection I am experiencing has become almost too much to bear.
If you have been rejecting the advances of your wife, my intention is not to heap guilt on you, but to help you understand what may be going on in you and in your marriage. When a man shows little or no sexual interest in his wife, she will experience several emotions. First, she’s going to feel she is undesirable as a wife and a woman. She will wonder if she’s still attractive, or if something is wrong with her, or if he still loves her. A woman whose husband is usually disinterested is going to feel profoundly rejected (just as a man feels rejected when his wife shows a disregard for his sexual needs).
A void in her soul
God’s design is for a man to “be united to his wife, and they will become one flesh” (Genesis 2:24). God created sex in marriage to be shared, not withheld. And when romance, tenderness, and sex are not shared, a sense of loneliness sets in that can ultimately result in emotional and sexual temptation.
Physical intimacy is not optional in marriage. When you ignore this God-given command to cultivate intimacy and romance with your wife, she is left with a void in her soul. Your romantic and sexual advances have tremendous power to set her apart as a woman and affirm her value. But rejection in the bedroom places her on emotional quicksand. Carla, a listener to FamilyLife Today, writes,
My husband has no desire to make love to me. I have to initiate all of the encounters, most of the time unsuccessfully. I felt rejected on a nightly basis so I took a night shift job so I wouldn’t cry myself to sleep each night.
You see, Carla’s femininity is really on the line. Often, a woman like Carla will struggle to try harder to be the “perfect wife.” She’ll spend hours, even days, trying to understand why she is so undesirable. As she spins her wheels, there may come a point where she will be tempted by an extramarital affair.
I can’t stress this strongly enough: a marriage devoid of romance and sexual appreciation with each other is not how God designed marriage to function. God gave us romance in marriage so that we could frequently celebrate our love—spiritually, emotionally, and physically. As you discover ways to romance your wife and learn how to serve each other, you grow together as a couple. You and your wife “become one.”
As a man, if you are not initiating on a regular basis, let me encourage you to take an honest inventory of what may be causing your lack of sexual desire. With sales of drugs like Viagra, Levitra, and Cialis (all of which address erectile dysfunction) in the billions each year, many men may think the problem is physical.
But a physician I interviewed while researching Rekindling the Romance, a book I wrote with my wife, Barbara, told me the problem for most men who lack sexual desire is not inadequate desire or erectile dysfunction. It’s often a dysfunction of the heart—anger, resentment, and bitterness.
You’ve lost that lovin’ feeling
Let’s look inward for a moment with a series of questions to see if something is short-circuiting what is a normal, God-given drive.
Are you angry or bitter at your wife? Is there a reason for your anger? Has she wronged you? Has she disappointed you? Mocked you? If so, consider Colossians 3:13, “Bear with each other and forgive whatever grievances you may have against one another. Forgive as the Lord forgave you.”
Is your sexual desire being siphoned off and satisfied by a regular diet of pornography and masturbation? For many men, pornography has become the preferred expression of their sexuality because it represents a “no risk” and “no failure” approach to sex.
Are you driven at work to such a point that you are totally spent when you get home? Some men are out of touch with their emotions simply because they’re working too hard. Like Svetin, the “burned-out lover” I mentioned, they are so spent by 16- or 18-hour days, they have nothing left to invest in their marriages.
Are you in denial about some other type of sin in your life? Sin can suppress our most powerful appetites.
Do your wife’s past sexual experiences before marriage anger you or intimidate you?
Did someone touch you inappropriately when you were a boy? Past sexual abuse can truly inhibit healthy sexual expression in marriage. Did you grow up in a family where you were made to think sex was dirty? Were you made to feel shame for your interest in sex? Were you caught viewing pornography or masturbating?
Could it be that you tried to initiate at a point early in your marriage and you failed to perform or your wife rejected you? Is the risk of failure simply too great now? Or are you withdrawing from her sexually as a strategy to protect yourself?
If none of these questions raises an issue that applies to your situation, there may be a possibility that your body produces a lower-than-average amount of testosterone. There are a host of reasons why these levels may be reduced, including the use of certain antidepressant or blood pressure medicines. Your doctor can measure your body’s testosterone production and perhaps prescribe a treatment to return it to normal levels.
Whatever the reason, a man who refuses to address his low libido and meet his wife’s needs is putting his marriage at great risk.
If you are wrestling with this issue, and if talking with your wife about it is too difficult, seek help. Find a pastor, a counselor, or another godly man in whom you can confide. Do it for the sake of your marriage and family. Step out of the shadows of isolation and into the healing from the One who gives “every good and perfect gift” (James 1:17).
He can and will help you rekindle the sexual side of romance with your wife. And for the record, starting a fire in your backyard is not what God has in mind!
Reprinted by permission. Rekindling the Romance
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